Food Partners

It’s Wednesday, February 27 and Cardi B Is Looking for a New Personal Chef

Plus, we regret to inform you that Whole Foods appears to be doing terrible things to bacon.

Welcome to Off-Menu , where we’ll be rounding up all the food news and food-adjacent internet ephemera that delighted, fascinated, or infuriated us this morning.

NEWS

Dinosaur Bar-B-Que is a New York based chain that, sadly, does not serve comically oversized portions of apatosaurus ribs (and a shoutout to anyone under 65 who just thought of the end credits for The Flintstones ). The restaurant is currently facing backlash for its Very Bad Take on the arrest of New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft. “This week only stop into the Syracuse Dinosaur to get a ‘Robert Kraft’ aka the Jerked and Pulled Chicken Sandwich,” the restaurant wrote on its social media pages, making the most bro-joke possible about Kraft, who has been charged with soliciting a prostitute. Dinosaur Bar-B-Que tried to hide its shit attempt at comedy by promising to donate a portion of the proceeds from the sandwich to the McMahon/Ryan Child Advocacy Center—but they were like nah, we’re good. “We can not accept donations that contradict our mission,” the organization said. If you’ve recently watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre , and your biggest takeaway was “Dang, I sure wish I could eat the same gas station barbecue that Sally and her doomed friends had,” then first, I’m not interested in making eye contact with you, and next, you’re in luck. The gas station restaurant—conveniently called The Gas Station—is a real place you can visit, eat a brisket sandwich, and take pictures of yourself standing under its “We Slaughter Barbecue” sign. “We actually have a gas pump that every once in a while we take out…the Coca-Cola machine that’s exactly the one from the movie, we take out,” Ben Hughes, The Gas Station’s manager, told KVUE . Sounds great, I guess. This week has already gone to shit for Kim Jong-Un. Not only will he be sitting in a small room directly across from Donald Trump tomorrow, but Dutch customs officers also intercepted a container filled with 90,000 bottles of vodka (not a typo) that were allegedly supposed to be delivered to the North Korean leader and his army. The vodka was on a ship, hidden underneath the hull of an aircraft that was being transported, but now it’s not leaving Rotterdam. We get it, Kim. We all cope in our own way. JOB BOARD

Cardi B likes dollars, she likes diamonds, she likes stunting, she likes shining, but what she doesn’t like is eating the same shit for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. At least that’s what she said on Twitter, and she also announced that she’s looking for a Los Angeles-based chef, ASAP.

“All of a sudden, I know how to cook,” one person responded. Ayyyy, me too, Cardi. HMU.

THINGS TO WATCH

One of the best things about bacon is that it tastes like, you know, bacon. But this video, filmed at a Whole Foods in Los Angeles, is a series of cursed images that stretches on for 12 uncomfortable seconds. Someone who should be identified immediately has decided that bacon needs to taste like curry, maple with blueberries, or apple cinnamon. This is the worst thing I’ve seen in 2019, and I watched the Super Bowl. (Video credit: Liz Pollack/@lprealtalk)

The Buck Buck Food Cart seemed to be a good spot to grab some Nashville-style hot chicken in Eugene, Oregon, but we have to use the past tense because the entire thing exploded on Sunday morning. No one was injured (although local residents reported hearing a “huge boom”) so let’s pour out a few pickle slices and hope they can find some new gear and get back to work soon.

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