W elcome to Off-Menu , where we’ll be rounding up all the food news and food-adjacent internet ephemera that delighted, fascinated, or infuriated us this morning.
News Did you bring food to your Super Bowl party yesterday? Did you grab a growler of beer on the way? Did you prepare your famous guacamole? Did you bake chocolate chip cookies that everyone raved about to the exclusion of all the other desserts, even though they were just Nestle Toll House? Did you…make queso? Fox News contributor Dana Perino did. And along the way, she made a meme. Here’s what her queso looked like:
Which, if you’ve lived an unfortunate life, is not what queso should look like. Everyone on Twitter noticed and responded by sharing increasingly cursed images.
But the only thing that was actually uglier than Perino’s queso was the football game itself.
Elsewhere in odd collective internet behavior that would be impossible to parse if not for the Extremely Online context (seriously, imagine how much of modern culture would be completely inscrutable if you woke up from a coma today or, like, took a two-week vacation without checking Twitter once), people are posting pictures of faux food-adjacent “tattoos” in honor of Ariana Grande’s misguided attempt to get and then fix a “7 Rings” tattoo. Now, her accidental ode to Japanese BBQ has sparked a strange trend :
“An attempted robbery at an Ontario convenience store was foiled when the would-be thief was struck with a banana.” This, while badass, is not the recommended way to handle an attempted robbery. “You never know if they have a gun,” a local policewoman told CTVNews.ca. Cocina Luchadoras, a Mexican restaurant in Baltimore, had its best business day ever after The Baltimore Sun reported on the death threats owner Rosalyn Vera received for hanging an anti-Trump poster. A sign in the window of the restaurant shows picture of the president and says “Donald, you are stupid” in Spanish, which inspired an unnamed man to make repeated calls threatening to burn down the restaurant and kill Vera. She alerted the police, but said that she would not take down the poster. A day after that story ran, Vera told the Sun , “We broke a record today. The outpouring of the community and the love has been really nice. It’s been a really busy day today.” Not News
The Brands are not OK . But honestly, I kinda get it.
Don’t tell me what sort of billionaire business venture I’m incidentally promoting by being utterly charmed by this video of Oprah handing out shots on a cruise in pajamas while Lady Marmalade blasts in the background. I want it to stay pure. Don’t Buy This 20-Pound Hot Chocolate
From now until Valentine’s Day, PHD Terrace at New York City’s Midtown Dream hotel will be serving a 20-pound spiked hot chocolate that can be yours (to share with a recommended 21 friends) for $375. Don’t do this. You’d probably be better off with 22 normal-sized cups of probably perfectly good hot chocolate, especially given that it’s flu season.